Pain
I feel pain. Not from a physical cut, scrap or bruise. It lies much deeper than the surface.
Your heart aches with pain you can’t form into words. Why can’t you make this pain go away.
Your mind replays memories over and over. Did I say too much or too little. Did I show that I cared enough. Did I believe in your words when I should’ve took them in vain.
I feel pain.
Again I’ve opened up and again I’ve been hurt. The mistrust hurts greater each time. I believed that I was ready. That you had all of my focus and attention. I said I wanted one who wants me but doesn’t need me. Who choose me despite other available opportunities. For you to choose me.
A simple choice. A commitment to another that you know will do anything for your betterment. You don’t have to throw out test because you understand there is no length in measure to which one would go. I chose you, foolish of me. Since my essence represented in title means wholeheartedly, I couldn’t give anything less than all of me. I chose you and you made a fool out of me.
“If one is not willing to make a fool of them-self for love, then they do not deserve it.”
I put my pride to the side. Maybe that’s why I feel pain. I put your needs before mine. Maybe that’s why I feel pain. I checked on you before myself for this reason I feel pain. Because the air I needed to breathe, the love I needed to remain I gave to you and you left me feeling disdain. For this reason I feel pain.
Not often do I open my abyss showing all parts of me. I let my thoughts be un-restrained yet you judged me. I wanted you to feel comfortable so I exposed the deepest and most troublesome parts of me. You labeled them red flags and turn offs. I thought we created conversation that allowed us to roam freely. A bond of words, feelings and thoughts since distance kept us apart. I realized later it was never the distance but choices that kept us apart.
Strong willed, strong minded bent but never broken pushing ever forward toward set goals. I needed more than love I needed commitment, a trust never to be broken. I chose you and that choice is called pain.
“Pain is temporary but if you quit it will last forever.”
