I thought I Was Smarter Than I Was
I thought I was smarter than I was.
I thought by now I’d have life figured out.
I thought if I set a lofty goal it would happen by some type of osmosis.
I thought if I was liked by people well enough doors would swing open.
I thought that if I stayed persistent at knocking at a door someone would’ve opened by now from their admiration or annoyance of my resilience.
I thought that if I spoke less words people might think of me as someone who is wise.
I thought if I’d suppressed my anger I’d be perceived by others as someone whose mastered self-control.
I thought that if I kept from voicing my opinions to others would deem me polite.
I thought that if I meditated heavily, pondering over ideas and dreams they’d manifest just as I imaged.
I thought that if I encouraged those around me aspiring them to be their best self they’d become aware and value how much I truly cared and love them.
I thought that if no one provided instructions of “how to”, I’d at least become a bridge builder for those who come behind me struggling along the paths of life.
I thought because I ended some bad habits I wouldn’t create new ones.
I thought that if I quit things, ideas, people and places that no longer serve me I was failure because I didn’t “see them through”.
I thought that if I didn’t marry, I wasn’t one who others found value.
I thought if I didn’t have kids I wouldn’t have created a physical legacy to impart meaning or presence in this lifetime.
I thought that if I didn’t fulfill my aspiration of becoming a physician my life had no meaning, and I completely disregarded my calling passing on my destiny.
I thought that if I didn’t start writing these provoking thoughts again I drown in my own abyss of endless thoughts.
I thought because I don’t hear it as often as I needed I wasn’t loved.
I’ve reflected such thoughts and realized that thoughts are deceiving, fleeting and often times your mind plays tricks on you.
Your thoughts are forever evolving pushed by catalyst of circumstances, relationships, experiences, perspective and attitude.
The more you learn the more you understand that while emotions are real they are not reality. Truth is formed by constants which are aided by the correct perspective and the right attitude.
I thought I was smarter than I was.
